


Million Pieces

by torasame



Category: Naruto
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-21
Updated: 2019-10-21
Packaged: 2020-12-27 14:42:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21120473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/torasame/pseuds/torasame
Summary: Deceit was the art of the Shinobi. It was no wonder Itachi was good at lying.





	Million Pieces

**Author's Note:**

> day 8: Anbu and Akatsuki  
mid terms are upon us  
and i may or may not have pulled my copy of itachi shinden up for reference

> It breaks my heart, it breaks my heart into- a million pieces.
> 
> -million pieces by B∆STILLE

Itachi was good at lying.

It wasn't as though he chose to be. It came with being a shinobi. Deceiving was an art to be mastered to be the best. Those who denied it were plainly ignorant. He was taught to create a facade, to live his life in the shell of something he was not- something he had to make himself be. He lied for the sake of village and even for his own family. They understood his art and made him into a weapon- not knowing that had created a double edged sword. He forged truths to keep both sides satisfied. Itachi lied in the face of the hokage and the village leaders, and even in the face of his own father. He existed to deceive until he could understand what was true.

He hid behind his mask, nameless and hidden in darkness. He had lived in the shadows until the doors slid open and the light bathed his far too pale skin. Itachi was brought onto the tatami floor and tackled in the warmth he never knew he missed. "Big brother!" Itachi watched his younger brother come into view before his eyes, "you said you'd train with me today! Let's go!" Sasuke proclaimed, tugging on Itachi's uniform. He could only watch as Sasuke drew further and further away into the fully lit room while he sat outside, still waist deep in the dark. He gestured his brother over before poking his forehead with his middle and index finger.

His stomach sank to his feet like an ice cube as he forced a smile through his tensed facial muscles, "I'm sorry Sasuke, maybe some other time." He's lied to the village council and to the entirety of his flesh and blood, but that way Sasuke beamed back at him in understanding, the way Sasuke cuddled closer to him despite his disappointment drowned him in the guilt he had never felt before.

Itachi was good at lying- but Shisui had put that claim to the test.

It wasn't as though Itachi couldn't lie to him, it was the fact that he wouldn't. Something in the planets that aligned in Shisui's eyes said:  _ I know Itachi. I know.  _ But Shisui had never pushed it. He'd always have his arms wide open, offering solitude Itachi had been too deep in his cowardice to accept.

And as life continued, the lies did too. It continued until one side overpowered the other, until the cards were already played and the game was coming to a close. Itachi found himself before Shisui, on the cliff they had claimed as their own. Something in the way Shisui stared back at him, in the way his gaze lingered for far too long, spoke the words Shisui didn't dare to utter. A voice inside hum pleaded for Shisui to say them, knowing he had kept silent under the fear of leaving Itachi with another burden to carry. His conscience threw that understanding and the words he left unsaid into the chasm left between them- and Shisui smiled.

"Don't lie to me, Itachi" he said, "I'm already dying, that's the least you could do."

And he held his tongue and watched Shisui die before his very eyes. Itachi's claim had been tested because for all the years he had been alive- he had never lied to Shisui Uchiha.

But was that fair enough to say? His heart exclaimed as the gates of his eyes broke open and the tears came in magnitudes of turmoil. Itachi could never have lied to Shisui- but in his silence and cowardice, he had never told him the truth.

Whatever left that was true in this world died in the silence with Shisui.

-

"Take care of Sasuke."

_ I can't. I know I can't. I can't watch him grow up, I can't care for him. I can't be there for him after all this. I don't deserve to live for all I've done.  _ But truth was dead, it dried up with the tears that had spilled from his eyes.

"I will."

-

"Do you renounce any attachment you have for the village Hidden in the Leaves?" Itachi matched the emptiness in the purple eyes that looked down on him. He produced his kunai, leaning down to block the light that reflected off his forehead protector. The symbol of the leaf glared back at him, a reminder of the life he had- of the life he destroyed.

_ I will a Konohagakure ninja until I die. _

The tip of the weapon met one end of the headband's metal, the night rang red with the agonizing sound of the line he cut across it. Itachi felt his head go faint, and his heart bleed out and empty itself onto the ground as a spectacle for those present. When he looked up, none of them seemed to have noticed.

He was so tired of lying.

-

Itachi found himself on a lone road for his next assignment when a flock of crows gathered on the path ahead of him. Something cracked the iron walls he had put up to shield himself from the world. Light seeped through and a voice called out to him.

"Itachi."

Why? Had the heavens above only answered him now? He felt a gravitational force seem to pull him towards a face he had only seen in his dreams. When Shisui gazed back at him with the planets still in his eyes, he felt a great wave of burning shame cut through his skin. In the cloak that branded him as a criminal, with a headband that signified his betrayal and empty eyes that had been deprived from the light for so long. Itachi could not bring himself to speak- the words that had left his mouth had been nothing but fabrications over his two years of exile.

"Itachi please," Shisui stepped forward, "please tell me what's wrong."

_ I couldn't live out your will. I betrayed the village and destroyed the Uchiha Clan. I failed you, I shamed you. I killed you. I couldn't even tell you the truth. I couldn't even say I lo- _

"I can't."

Itachi could pretend the arms that enveloped him were warm, he could believe there was kiss planted on the crown of his head in an effort to comfort him. He could pretend Shisui was there. He could pretend Shisui was  _ alive. _

But he couldn't. He couldn't pretend. He pretend something was there. He couldn't pretend he could bring Shisui back. He couldn't pretend that Shisui would forgive him.

-

Everything flashed before his eyes as his legs struggled to carry him onward. The world around him blurred even more until it showed nothing but fragments of the world he once knew. The lies would die with Itachi. There was no one else to fool.

His facade shattered at his feet as he squinted to make out the image of his younger brother, framed in the light before the storm. He was no longer standing in the dark now. He poked his brother's forehead, his vision cleared and he truly saw a world he hadn't seen in so long.

"I'm sorry Sasuke, this is the last time." Itachi died uttering the only truth he had told in his lifetime.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> I combined the two themes and although I didn't focus on them explicitly- I wanted to focus on what they both forced Itachi to do. It was really fun to push the boundaries of the difference between "telling a lie" and "not telling the truth." I have my English mid terms tomorrow and just realized how strange poetry is in the context of the English language. I had this crisis after trying to explain book analogies to two good friends with Korean as their first language.
> 
> I'm rambling aaa I'm glad I got this up in time. Also- if anyone wants to be mutuals ; ^ ; please feel free to talk to me haha I'm probably younger than most of you so I'm pretty harmless haha


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